January Blues

Today is a balmy, humid, overcast day in January. No wind. No rain. Just stillness. I feel a like nothing.

Growing up the youngest is not the greatest thing in the world. It is true, I have no complaints. i have the most wonderful and caring older siblings. They have all been good examples, and I have always been an astute observer. I've learned a great deal about life vicariously through so many of their trials and successes. Surely, I've created a little of my own drama along the way, but much was avoided under their tutelage. I am talking about another problem all together.

The reason why incidents and situations occurring in early childhood have such a lasting and profound impact on an individual is because that person did not have the words or language to explain or understand logically. Without the ability to explore the emotional or psychological reasons for the situation the child brain cannot process the varying responses; therefore the feelings are permanent. They are deep.

This is in no way a forum for me to blame everyone else for my sense of helplessness. They were doing what they were supposed to be doing - - growing up and going away to create their own lives. In a way they were blazing a path for me. At the same time, I think my baby and then child brain experienced the loss - - the leaving of each one. My safe world with so many people around me was diminishing one by one until only I was left. I know that a child is very egocentric - at the exact center of the universe - everyone feels that way.

To this day, however, I still feel the sting when someone I know moves away or leaves. When my friend Susan K retired, I felt a whole in the school. When the Petersons moved, I felt like I had somehow contributed to their reasons for leaving. When Toni got married, I began to miss her even though she just teaches up the hall. The biggest feeling of loss I have right now is the fact that Briana has her license and can go away from me. I miss her terribly. What am I going to do when she is truly grown up and on her own?

The fact that I can identify this feeling when it happens and logically explain it to myself and you, dear blog, doesn't make it any less painful; it does, however, allow me to recognize the emotions and talk or write or pray through them. That's a good thing.

Already, I'm feeling a lot better!!

I've been reading about personality disorders lately. I'm not talking about character flaws or personality traits; these are real disorders. Clinically, these can be proven, and with some treatment and/or therapy some can be reversed. What is so interesting is that the characteristics of the disorders are very subjective, yet they are clearly a part of the whole thing. When would a person with Borderline Personality Disorder, say, know that he needs psychiatric help when his disorder prevents him for understanding what a disorder is? Do other people have to have a sort of intervention on this person? Are family practitioners trained enough to spot the symptoms and not just treat the symptoms but see them as part of the disorder? Does this person have to experience some kind of psychotic break before enough attention is paid that could diagnose the real problem? What if nothing really big ever happens to the person? Does he go his whole life just being that quirky neighbor or annoying sibling?
I realize that some disorders and diseases really don't need intensive treatment. Those people can live a normalish life. Not everyone has to have the perfect 85 years of bliss and peace on this planet. My biggest concern is for the loved ones of the person with the disorder. Children are influenced; spouses are burdened; coworkers can sometimes be blind-sided.

There are so many disorders out there. Today, anything can be a disorder. You have a desire to wash your hands a lot - - - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You keep all your extra boxes and containers - - Hoarding disorder!! You think you are more important than other people - - Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You get really mad- - Emotional disorder. You get really really mad - - Severe Emotional Disorder!! You don't like leaning over the railing of a really tall building - - Height phobia!! With so many disorders, phobias, syndromes, and disturbances out there, I think a person with no disorders must be considered as having some sort of "no disorder disorder." He would obviously be the rarer of the bunch.

Just my thoughts!!

Don aka Cat Magnet

Okay, so I just had to post this picture. For some reason every time Don sits down a cat jumps on him. Weird, huh!!

Cats and Quilts

Well, it's new Year's Eve! Briana drove alone for the first time today. We were both nervous wrecks, but she made it aok! Don is watching TRANSFORMERS II for like the third or fourth time in two days. I made some gingersnaps and some chocolate chip cookies and date-pecan cocoanut macaroons and some cranberry-apricot cocoanut macaroons and some homemade bread. After all that, it's just 3 p.m. and I still have nine hours to kill before the new year. Soooooooo . . . . how about some cat pictures.

We have a new kitty named Shamu. He is a rescue kitty of sorts with crossed eyes and 24 toes. Yes, you read correctly. He has seven toes on each front paw and five on each back. Usually cats have only 4 or 5 on each foot. He's a crack up and fits in well.


Here's a close up of his front paw!!


Noel is the QUEEN!! At anytime of the day or night, you can find her sleeping right here on my bed.


And this is the ailing and aging, albeit quite gracefully, QUEEN MUM Snowflake. She's been sleeping at the end of my bed since 2002.


A few posts back, I featured a quilt with circles. It was done in purples, greens, and blues. For this one, I used the exact same pattern only with different colors. I think I'll give this one to Barbara. Tomorrow is her b-day!!


Now, I'm off to design two new baby quilts for Don's nephew's two little ones, Chloe and Carter. I'll post pics of those when they are done.

Happy New Year Everyone and Best Wishes for a safe and prosperous 2010!!

FROST always brings out the QUILTS

So far this fall I have completed three quilts. Two are small and one is a little larger than a lap quilt.

This first one is a NASCAR quilt. Don picked out the fabric - - he isn't a fan of NASCAR, but his best buddy is, AND his best buddy had surgery and will be down for a long time.



Sometimes I cannot help myself in the fabric store. This blue panel is just that - - a preprinted panel. What is different is that I stitched all around the animals and Santa even though you can't see it in this picture. I still love it.



Okay, Mom, this is one of your Christmas presents. It's in the mail along with a couple other neat items I think you will enjoy.



Detail of the embroidery, beading, and wool applique.



I am finishing up the quilt of circles that I cut out in October and will post pictures of that one soon.

I'm off to wake my family with a big breakfast of Eggy Bakey a la Granny with toasted hot dog buns!!

The leaves have been replaced with FROST

It's 8:05 am on December 5th; it's 28 degrees out, and we've had a hard frost!! Yippee!!

When I was in Welsh this August, I acquired two watercolors. Sarah's latent talent as a watercolor artist has blessed me with one of her originals. It really looks like the hibiscus in her yard!



The other watercolor is one that has been around my whole life and probably Mom's too. St. Joseph lilies. I've rematted and reframed in in contrasting colors. It looks great!



The artist in Mary Narney. She was the mother of a man who was once married to Great Aunt Elsie Whitman. Now, Aunt Elsie was Grandpa's older sister and the first woman attorney in Lake Charles. It was said that, when she died, Uncle Charles found a file cabinet with all this nefarious and damning information on many of the most notable individuals in Lake Charles. Some of the documents were on family as well. I believe he destroyed the contents of the cabinet; at least, I hope he did. My facts might be sketchy here - - family lore, you know.

All the leaves are gone, and the sky is gray. . . .

I have some thoughts that I need to share, ask, ponder, and study.

I cannot figure out why I feel so empty. My life is teeny-tiny; I did that on purpose. Have I lopped off too much?

Yesterday, the colonel at Don's work reported that Don was the ONLY one on his whole installation that made a commitment to the United Way campaign. Over 400 people work at Camp Withycombe. Pitiful.

I realize that the students at DDHS have many very sad stories about their lives - - foster homes, alcoholic parents, mom in jail, drug dealers, sex offenders, poverty, domestic violence, throw away kids, refugees, no faith - - all this is terrible. Stories these young minds should never know are the norm here. When do these kiddos take responsibility for their own lives and move to make a difference? What they have learned is not the extended helping hand but the open, upturned palm waiting for a hand out.

Briana is a beautiful and capable young woman - - I wish she could see that in herself. Staci, too.

I miss Momma.

Am I a ticking time bomb? Every now and then and more often as of late, I feel this flutter in my heart. It stops my breath and makes me cough. What is that?

Grandpa OB, all 92 years of him, has moved back home from an adult foster care home where he was WELL cared for. The first thing he told Vicki was that he intended to drive to the grocery story. He cannot even walk. He has a right to do as he pleases, but I think this was a bad idea. He has refused professional in home nursing care and his son Pat is not trained nor is he willing to be a thorough care giver. That fierce Irish stubborn streak in him is so powerful. I simultaneously admire and reject that notion of independence.

I am about to start installments of my novel here. Having a blog has helped me get over a little of the fear of exposing my words to the world.

Christmas has been conspicuously absent from this post; that will come soon enough. Actually, I have LOTS of fun stuff planned and some interesting quilts to share when I get a new camera!

Happy Advent,

Dottie

Smile, work, play, read, love, pray!